Thursday, September 6, 2007

Funks, Breaking-out-of

For about the last two weeks I've been in a "depressive funk" of a very frustrating variety. There was the familiar feeling of empty-blah-grrr going on most of the time, expect for the welcome bright spots whenever I got to spend time with friends. What made this time of bad-feeling extra frustrating was that I could not diagnose the trigger: an event, experience, or thought that would explain why I fell into the funk in the first place. Work is going well, Home is going well, I wasn't upset with myself about anything in particular, and I've even been getting enough sleep lately. So without something that I could identify to "fix", I had to just put up with the crappy mood and wait for it to lift naturally.

The thought that helps me most while I'm depressed is "It will get better." I've been through this to the other side enough times, I trust that even though I can't make myself feel better NOW, I will be feeling better eventually. Remembering that phrase, and repeating it when all my other thoughts are negative, is the best thing I can do while I'm "funked."

Still, I try to pay attention to what I was doing when the cloud finally lifts. Maybe there is a secret bullet for me? Like how the only way to get rid of my hiccups is to breathe deeply, slowly, and calmly for a few minutes? Maybe it isn't the same thing every time, and I should start building a toolbox instead of relying on just one cure. I did start feeling better again today, and maybe it was a coincidence, but here is what was going on:

I was at work, finally getting through a task that I've put off for more than a month. I had been having trouble concentrating so I found a mix CD in my desk that I had made for my MRI last year. When "This Must be the Place" by the Talking Heads started playing towards the end of the disk, I felt something curious. I'm not sure how to explain the feeling, other than my shitty mood seemed to dissolve as the sound met it in my brain. They couldn't exist in the same place above my ears for some reason. (I don't think I have any emotional linkages to this song - at least not consciously?) By the time it was over I really felt good.

So I've got to remember that, but not get my hopes up about music working next time.

Other random nice things:
Open source sewing!
I signed up for another 5k (and it is next week)!
Another 24 hour play festival is happening the weekend before Homecoming!

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